I Want To Know

There wasn’t much else to say. She had his earring. The one he’d been missing. And she’d returned it. Somewhat discreetly. It was, after all, just human nature. To want to tell someone. And Lance was the kind of guy people felt comfortable talking to.

JC was doing the math in his head. Lance had already done it. The dates were right. Justin had been there.

“She said he looked lonely. You know how that is.” Lance was reaching. He reached some more. “I mean, women have never been out of the question for either of you.”

JC was staring at something just beyond his field of vision.

“We don’t do that anymore.”

Lance thought he’d said ‘Oh’ in response, but had not actually heard himself say it. So he said what he was thinking.

“I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah.” JC’s voice was a whisper. “For a while now.”

The set was coming to life again. Crew members back from lunch. The new movie was a romantic comedy. This story was anything but.

“I want to talk to her.”

Now Lance really did hear sirens. And see warning lights, flashing in the distance.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, C.”

He was about to launch a more forceful protest, but it was too late. JC had already crossed to where the young production assistant had been laying out scripts. To the same young production assistant who had been with Justin. Had slept with Justin. The Justin who was lonely and had made love to a perfect stranger to fill that loneliness. Lance could only guess what JC was feeling.

He looked again at where JC now stood, smiling slightly and listening with the kind of intensity that would have set a leaf on fire. That was part of his charm. If Justin was handsome in a rugged, detached sort of way, then JC was his counterpoint. A striking, angular face. Haunting blue eyes. And he was warm. Open. Remarkable for someone who had lived such a public life.

Together they were stunning. Almost devastating. Like looking at a light that was too bright. You almost had to squint to actually see them. Lance had gotten used to it over the years. They’d always cast a long shadow and it was easy to forget the two people inside. At times they seemed invincible.

One of the assistant directors had given a five minute warning and JC was headed back his way. Lance smiled weakly.

“So.”

“I’m going to see her later on.”

“JC, this is not good.” Lance could not keep the concern out of his voice.

There was a calm about him now that worried Lance more than the rumbling that had sent vibrations into the earth just minutes ago. He shrugged almost imperceptively.

“I want to know, Lance.”

“What? What do you want to know? I don’t understand.”

JC’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“I want to know what he wanted. What was there.”

Lance took a deep breath.

“He was lonely. He was tired. Hell, I don’t know.”

It was too late for sober reasoning. JC had a distant look again, one that put him in a sound-proof universe. Alone with his thoughts.

Lance picked up his notes as his assistant helped him into his jacket.

“Look, Joey wants to catch Copperfield tonight. Come with us.”

He turned back to find an empty chair.

• • •

Justin Timberlake never called Lance Bass. Ever. Justin called Chris who called Lance. So when Justin called this time, Lance was caught off-guard. And he stumbled badly. Even if he’d been telling the truth, Justin would not have believed him.

“Hey. You’re back.”

“Yeah. Look, have you seen JC? I’ve been calling and I went by when I got back, and he’s not there. I mean, he knew I was getting in tonight. I don't get it.”

Lance felt like he had a mouth full of marbles. None of the words he wanted to say would come out right.

“I saw him earlier, but that was around noon.”

“You know where he is now?” Justin sounded annoyed. Impatient. When Lance hesitated, he spoke again. “Okay. If you see him--”

“Yeah. Sure." His nervous response cut Justin off before he could finish.

"Um, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Lance hung up the phone quickly. Angry with himself. He was a very bad liar.

• • •

Lance had expected one of Joey’s Saturday morning cartoon faces. The one where he let his jaw drop to the floor in surprise. But Joey had just kept eating. Lance knew he’d been rambling, but he didn’t care.

“I feel like I’ve been in an accident. You know? Totally out of control. There was nothing I could do. It was over in two minutes.”

Joey nodded like he understood. He pulled a napkin across his chin and took a sip of water. Lance stared at him as if he expected more of a reaction.

“You don’t understand.”

Joey pointed at Lance’s plate, that had not been touched, then waited indulgently until he took a bite.

“What’s there to understand?”

Lance felt his face get red. Sometimes Joey could be more frustrating than anyone on earth. Joey smiled and pointed with his fork again. Lance took another bite.

“Okay, you want me to understand? I’ll tell you what I understand. Justin is used to being with someone. And when you get used to that, it’s hard. I mean, when you’re away. Take me. I feel like I’m in a committed relationship, But that doesn’t mean that when I’m on the road, that I don’t need somebody. I do.”

He took another sip of water.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m saying I get it. It’s fucked up that JC had to hear it like that. But if he’s all that surprised, then I’m surprised at him.”

He pushed a forkful of pasta around his plate then looked up at Lance.

“What? All I’m saying is--it happens.”

• • •

She was a perfect stranger. And JC was not used to spending time alone with people he didn’t know well. He just didn’t do it. His free time was for friends. And family.

How had Justin done this?

JC had his answer in the first fifteen minutes. He hadn’t done this. Hadn’t sat across a table and smiled at her. Hadn’t tried to fill empty spaces with small talk. Hadn’t wondered for the second or third time in an hour, how rude it would be to simply excuse himself and go home.

There’d been none of this. Because they’d gone to his room. And that was it.

It was worse somehow than he’d expected. Justin hadn't wanted company. She’d misread that completely. Justin had wanted sex. With a woman. There was no other explanation.

• • •

Lance answered on the second ring.

“Where are you guys?”

“In VIP.” He turned his back to the room full of guests and lowered his voice. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll wait for you, near the first table.”

“Okay.”

“JC?”

“Yeah.”

“Never mind. I’ll see you in a few.”

Lance closed his phone and joined Joey by the bar. It was 8:30. Joey raised an eyebrow and Lance shook his head.

“Like I said. It happens.”

• • •

Joey couldn’t stop talking about David Copperfield. Especially the Houdini memorabilia. All that Lance could remember was the way JC had looked. Tinted glasses. Red eyes. Joey thought he looked tired. Lance thought he’d been crying.

He rolled the diamond stud back and forth in his fingers once more, then dropped it next to his watch on the nightstand. And waited. It was late. But he knew Justin would call.

There was a hitch in his breathing. A sign that Justin did not like what he was hearing.

"You know what, I'm pretty zoned out already. How about if I catch up with you in the morning?"

The storm was still raging, but his voice steady. It was hard to keep Justin away. It wasn't something he'd ever done before.

The figure standing by the bed did not have to move. Or to speak. JC would have known the silhouette anywhere.

He'd been waiting in the darkness. For JC to awaken. When he did, the words came out in short bursts.

JC leaned up on one elbow and turned on the light. Justin's face was pale and his nose and eyes were red. He raised a hand to cover his face.

He reached down, intending to turn it off again when his eyes caught a glint of light. The diamond stud lying protectively within the arc of JC's watch. His voice cracked a little as he spoke.

Justin looked back at the earring and then again at JC, this time holding his gaze.

Justin picked it up carefully. A study in concentration. When he slipped it into his pocket without further comment, JC nodded slightly. More for himself than for Justin. The Justin who had made love to a perfect stranger.

"Justin---" It could have been the beginning of a simple question. They both knew it was not. Justin took no chances.

"I'm back." Justin looked away from the empty spot on the nightstand. " I don't like being away from you."

"I missed you. I ---" The words got lost as he looked at JC. He shrugged then as if he had simply run out of them.

All at once, his body seemed to sag, to fold in on itself and he sank to the edge of the bed. The sudden weight causing JC to roll toward him. There was a moment of awkward adjustment. JC sliding his hips back. Long legs shifting under the bed clothes.

They looked at each other for a long minute and then JC shifted again. This time pulling back the covers.

Justin kicked at his shoes and then laid back on the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. The bed was warm and Justin let out a long sigh.

He turned his head just as JC rolled onto his side as he always did, knees barely touching Justin's side, the word okay slipping out before he was again lost in sleep.

They were sharing the last of a pot of coffee. It was lukewarm. But there was nothing else to drink. Lance had no real taste for coffee anyway, It had always been too bitter to really enjoy. Joey, it seemed, would drink anything. He lifted his cup and nodded across the room.

He looked again at Justin who had pulled JC onto his lap. They were singing nonsense lyrics to a familar melody. Lance was in awe of it.

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